人物:一个家庭的地狱之旅(3)

I don't remember when I first became aware that my dad wasn't like other fathers. I saw him on screen but at home he was a regular guy: he read the newspaper, watched sports, was someone I wanted to impress.

我不记得我是什么时候开始意识到我的父亲和其他父亲不一样的。我在屏幕上看到他，但在家里他是一个普通人：他读报纸，看体育比赛，是我想给他留下深刻印象的人。

Sometimes he let me smoke cigarettes around the house; other times, he'd remind me, "I'm your father, not your friend." He was away working for months at a time.

有时他让我在家里抽烟；其他时候，他会提醒我，“我是你的父亲，不是你的朋友。”他一次出去工作几个月。

Mostly it was just me and Mom, who was 19 when she married Dad and 20 when she had me. She liked to say we grew up together; I saw myself as her rescuing knight¹.

大多数时候只有我和妈妈，妈妈嫁给爸爸时19岁，生下我时20岁。她喜欢说我们是一起长大的；我把自己看作是她的救星。

From a young age, I was more mischievous² than the average kid. Once, my friend Sean and I called a sex hotline and racked up a $400 phone bill.

从很小的时候，我就比一般的孩子更淘气。有一次，我和我的朋友肖恩拨打了一条性热线，话费高达400美元。

When my parents had parties, I'd creep around and take it all in: beautiful grown-ups doing the things that beautiful grown-ups living lives of excess do.

当我的父母举办聚会时，我会悄悄溜进去，把一切都看在眼里：漂亮的成年人做着生活奢侈的漂亮成年人所做的事情。

By the time I was 13, I was buying weed in Central Park and experimenting with mushrooms and acid.

在我13岁的时候，我在中央公园买了大麻，用蘑菇和酸做实验。

As my parents' marriage fell apart, I bounced between schools, then to a hardcore wilderness³ program, and eventually in and out of juvenile⁴ detention⁵ facilities.

随着父母婚姻的破裂，我辗转于学校之间，然后参加了一个核心的野外活动，最后进了少年拘留所又出来。

For a while, I became a ward⁶ of the state of California. It's sad to think back on, but when my parents told me they were getting divorced, I actually welcomed it.

有一段时间，我成了加利福尼亚州的一名受监护人。回想起来很难过，但是当我父母告诉我他们要离婚的时候，我真的很高兴。

I loved them both, but mainly they weren't happy. I wondered if it was normal that I was so relieved. Now I think that I was sitting on a lot of unacknowledged rage.

我爱他们两个，但主要是他们不快乐。我想知道我如释重负是否正常。现在我想我有很多未被承认的愤怒。

At 17, I had my first experience with heroin⁷. I threw up, but still felt warm all over, relaxed and content. The ups and downs of drug addiction⁸ are entirely⁹ predictable.

17岁时，我第一次接触海洛因。我吐了，但仍然觉得浑身温暖，轻松而满足。毒瘾的起伏是完全可以预测的。

There's a comfort in that. And I like the instant gratification. I want to do what I want to do right now. The only thing I know of in life that can do that is drugs.

这是一种安慰。我喜欢即时的满足。我现在就想做我想做的事。据我所知，在生活中唯一能做到这一点的就是毒品。

They were, for me, a path out of loneliness. One day, over my girlfriend's objections, I ask my dealer¹⁰ if he can get me an ounce of good crystal. I explain why.

对我来说，它们是走出孤独的途径。一天，我不顾女友的反对，问我的经销商能否给我一盎司好的水晶。我解释为什么。

I'm going to deal to support my habit. So I'm doing it. I'm crossing the line I wasn't going to cross. I consider what that means. I know this isn't going to end well.

我要去处理支持我的习惯。我正在做。我正在越过我不打算越过的那条线。我认为这意味着什么。我知道这事不会有好结果的。

I decide that I should have better guns for protection. I go to a shop in Burbank and buy a Glock 17, a Special Forces-style Desert Eagle handgun, and a Mossberg shotgun with a pistol grip.

我决定我应该有更好的枪来保护自己。我去了伯班克的一家商店，买了一把格洛克17型手枪，一把特种部队风格的沙漠鹰手枪，还有一把握把式莫斯堡猎枪。

I keep the Mossberg, loaded with six 12-gauge shells, under my bed, within easy reach if I'm ever attacked while sleeping.

我把装有六枚12口径炮弹的“莫博士”放在床下，这样在我睡觉时受到攻击时就能轻易拿到。

If someone comes for me, I'll get behind the bed and start firing. As I spiral into addiction and dealing¹¹, my relationships with my parents alternate between closeness and estrangement¹².

如果有人来找我，我就躲到床后面开枪。当我陷入上瘾和交易的漩涡时，我和父母的关系在亲密和疏远之间交替。

Mom calls and leaves voice mails I don't respond to for months.

妈妈的电话和语音留言我几个月都没有回复。

1 knight   

n.骑士，武士；爵士

参考例句：

• He was made an honourary knight.他被授予荣誉爵士称号。
• A knight rode on his richly caparisoned steed.一个骑士骑在装饰华丽的马上。

2 mischievous   

adj.调皮的，恶作剧的，有害的，伤人的

参考例句：

• He is a mischievous but lovable boy.他是一个淘气但可爱的小孩。
• A mischievous cur must be tied short.恶狗必须拴得短。

3 wilderness   

n.杳无人烟的一片陆地、水等，荒漠

参考例句：

• She drove the herd of cattle through the wilderness.她赶着牛群穿过荒野。
• Education in the wilderness is not a matter of monetary means.荒凉地区的教育不是钱财问题。

4 juvenile   

n.青少年，少年读物；adj.青少年的，幼稚的

参考例句：

• For a grown man he acted in a very juvenile manner.身为成年人，他的行为举止显得十分幼稚。
• Juvenile crime is increasing at a terrifying rate.青少年犯罪正在以惊人的速度增长。

5 detention   

n.滞留，停留；拘留，扣留；(教育)留下

参考例句：

• He was kept in detention by the police.他被警察扣留了。
• He was in detention in connection with the bribery affair.他因与贿赂事件有牵连而被拘留了。

6 ward   

n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开

参考例句：

• The hospital has a medical ward and a surgical ward.这家医院有内科病房和外科病房。
• During the evening picnic,I'll carry a torch to ward off the bugs.傍晚野餐时，我要点根火把，抵挡蚊虫。

7 heroin   

n.海洛因

参考例句：

• Customs have made their biggest ever seizure of heroin.海关查获了有史以来最大的一批海洛因。
• Heroin has been smuggled out by sea.海洛因已从海上偷运出境。

8 addiction   

n.上瘾入迷，嗜好

参考例句：

• He stole money from his parents to feed his addiction.他从父母那儿偷钱以满足自己的嗜好。
• Areas of drug dealing are hellholes of addiction,poverty and murder.贩卖毒品的地区往往是吸毒上瘾、贫困和发生谋杀的地方。

9 entirely   

ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
• His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。

10 dealer   

n.商人，贩子

参考例句：

• The dealer spent hours bargaining for the painting.那个商人为购买那幅画花了几个小时讨价还价。
• The dealer reduced the price for cash down.这家商店对付现金的人减价优惠。

11 dealing   

n.经商方法，待人态度

参考例句：

• This store has an excellent reputation for fair dealing.该商店因买卖公道而享有极高的声誉。
• His fair dealing earned our confidence.他的诚实的行为获得我们的信任。

12 estrangement   

n.疏远，失和，不和

参考例句：

• a period of estrangement from his wife 他与妻子分居期间
• The quarrel led to a complete estrangement between her and her family. 这一争吵使她同家人完全疏远了。 来自《简明英汉词典》