美文阅读：别了，我生命中的过客

 　　When he told me he was leaving I felt like a vase which has just smashed¹. There were pieces of me all over the tidy, tan tiles². He kept talking, telling me why he was leaving, explaining it was for the best, I could do better, it was his fault and not mine. I had heard it before many times and yet somehow was still not immune³; perhaps one did not become immune to such felony.

　　He left and I tried to get on with my life. I filled the kettle and put it on to boil, I took out my old red mug and filled it with coffee watching as each coffee granule slipped in to the bone china. That was what my life had been like, endless omissions⁴ of coffee granules, somehow never managing to make that cup of coffee.

　　Somehow when the kettle piped its finishing warning I pretended not to hear it. That's what Mike's leaving had been like, sudden and with an awful finality. I would rather just wallow in uncertainty⁵ than have things finished. I laughed at myself. Imagine getting all philosophical⁶ and sentimental⁷ about a mug of coffee. I must be getting old.

　　And yet it was a young woman who stared back at me from the mirror. A young woman full of promise and hope, a young woman with bright eyes and full lips just waiting to take on the world. I never loved Mike anyway. Besides there are more important things. More important than love, I insist to myself firmly. The lid goes back on the coffee just like closure on the whole Mike experience.

　　He doesn't haunt⁸ my dreams as I feared that night. Instead I am flying far across fields and woods, looking down on those below me. Suddenly I fall to the ground and it is only when I wake up that I realize I was shot by a hunter, brought down by the burden of not the bullet but the soul of the man who shot it. I realize later, with some degree of understanding, that Mike was the hunter holding me down and I am the bird that longs to fly. The next night my dream is similar to the previous nights, but without the hunter. I fly free until I meet another bird who flies with me in perfect harmony. I realize with some relief that there is a bird out there for me, there is another person, not necessarily a lover perhaps just a friend, but there is someone out there who is my soul mate. I think about being a broken vase again and realize that I have glued myself back together, what Mike has is merely a little part of my time in earth, a little understanding of my physical being. He has only, a little piece of me.

　　【中文译文】：

　　当他告诉我他要离开的时候，我感觉自己就像花瓶裂成了碎片，跌落在茶色瓷砖地板上。他一直在说话，解释着为什么要离开，说什么这是最好的，我可以做得更好，都是他的错，与我无关。虽然这些话我已经听上好几千遍了，可每次听完都让我很受伤，或许在这样巨大的打击面前没有人能做到无动于衷。

　　他走了，我尝试着继续过自己的生活。我烧开水，拿出红色杯子，看着咖啡粉末一点点地落入骨灰瓷的杯子里。这正是我自己的鲜活写照，不断地往下掉咖啡粉末，却从来没有真正地泡成一杯咖啡。

　　水开了，水壶发出警报声，我假装没有听见。迈克的离去也是一样，突如其来，并且无可挽回。要知道，我宁愿忍受分与不分的煎熬，也不愿意以这样的方式被宣判“死刑”。想着想着我就哑然失笑，自己竟然为一杯咖啡有如此多的人生感怀，我自己一定是老了。

　　可是镜子里回瞪着我的那个女孩还是那么年轻啊！明目皓齿，充满了前途与希望，光明的未来在向她招手。没关系的，反正我也从来没有爱过迈克。何况，生命中还有比爱更重要的东西在等待着我，我对自己坚持说。我将咖啡罐的盖子盖好，也将所有关于迈克的记忆尘封起来。

　　那天晚上，出乎意料的是，他并没有入到我的梦中。在梦里，我飞过田野和森林，俯瞰着大地。突然间，我掉了下来……醒来后才发现原来自己被猎人打中了，但是令我坠落的不是他的子弹，而是他的灵魂。我后来才渐渐明白，原来迈克就是那个使我坠落的猎人，而我是那只渴望飞翔的小鸟。到了第二天晚上，我仍然做了类似的梦，但是猎人不见了，我一直在自由地飞翔，直到遇上另外一只小鸟和我比翼双飞。我开始意识到，总有那么一只鸟，那么一个人在前面等我，这个人可能是我的爱人，可能只是朋友，但一定是知我懂我的人，这令我感觉如释重负。我想起曾经觉得自己像花瓶一样裂开了，才意识到原来自己已经把自己修理好了。迈克只是我生命过程中的小小过客，他仅仅了解我的表面，他仅仅是我生命中的小小一部分。

1 smashed   

adj.喝醉酒的v.打碎，捣烂( smash的过去式和过去分词 )；捣毁；重击；撞毁（车辆）

参考例句：

• Several windows had been smashed. 几扇窗户劈里啪啦打碎了。
• In time-honoured tradition, a bottle of champagne was smashed on the ship. 依照由来已久的传统，对着船摔了一瓶香槟。 来自《简明英汉词典》

2 tiles   

n.瓦片，瓷砖( tile的名词复数 )；扁平的小棋子

参考例句：

• The wind dislodged one or two tiles from the roof. 大风从屋顶上刮下了一两片瓦来。
• On both slopes of the roof there are broken tiles. 屋顶的两面斜面都有破瓦片。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 immune   

adj.免疫的，有免疫力的，不受影响的，免除的

参考例句：

• I am immune from the disease,for I had it once.我对这病有免疫力，因为我已得过一次了。
• Be immune from corruption.拒腐蚀，永不沾。

4 omissions   

n.省略( omission的名词复数 )；删节；遗漏；略去或漏掉的事（或人）

参考例句：

• In spite of careful checking, there are still omissions. 饶这么细心核对，还是有遗漏。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• It has many omissions; even so, it is quite a useful reference book. 那本书有许多遗漏之处，即使如此，尚不失为一本有用的参考书。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

5 uncertainty   

n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物

参考例句：

• Her comments will add to the uncertainty of the situation.她的批评将会使局势更加不稳定。
• After six weeks of uncertainty,the strain was beginning to take its toll.6个星期的忐忑不安后，压力开始产生影响了。

6 philosophical   

adj.哲学家的，哲学上的，达观的

参考例句：

• The teacher couldn't answer the philosophical problem.老师不能解答这个哲学问题。
• She is very philosophical about her bad luck.她对自己的不幸看得很开。

7 sentimental   

adj.多愁善感的，感伤的

参考例句：

• She's a sentimental woman who believes marriage comes by destiny.她是多愁善感的人，她相信姻缘命中注定。
• We were deeply touched by the sentimental movie.我们深深被那感伤的电影所感动。

8 haunt   

vt.常出没于，使苦恼，萦绕；n.常去的地方

参考例句：

• The area was a haunt of criminals.这个地区是罪犯经常出没的地方。
• The college library is a favorite haunt.大学图书馆是人们喜欢的地方。