自己有多好，你的爱情就多好

 　　One thing you simply cannot ignore about your relationship is that there is another person in your life. Your partner is someone you have to care for, think about regularly, support and comfort.

　　在恋爱中有件不可忽视的事，就是在你的生活中还有另外一个人。这个人需要你关心、想念、支持和安慰。

　　If you are not fulfilling these duties, your partner will feel neglected and hurt. Relationships can feel strained when you are neither confident in yourself nor feel personal self-worth.

　　如果你没有做到这些，你的另一半会感觉到被忽视和受伤。如果你既不自信也感觉不到自己的价值，那么你们的爱情就会变得岌岌可危。

　　This is when you might feel overly dependent on a relationship, have low self-esteem and experience anxiety.

　　这时你在恋爱中会感觉极度依赖、自卑、焦虑。

　　自己有多好，你的爱情就多好

　　So, what can you do when you feel yourself slipping into this pattern of emotional outbursts, self-doubt and dependency? Take time to self-reflect on your own life goals and ambitions.

　　那么，当你感觉自己的这种情绪爆发、并自我怀疑、过分依赖时该怎么办呢？花些时间反省一下你自己的生活目标和理想吧。

　　If tomorrow your partner was out of the equation, would you still feel content in the other areas of your life? If your goal is to look and feel healthier, set aside the time to exercise, meditate² and eat well.

　　如果明天你的伴侣离你而去，你是否仍然能从生活的其他方面得到满足？如果你的目标是要看起来并感觉更健康，就留出时间去锻炼、冥想、健康饮食。

　　If your goal is to switch jobs, start meeting with recruiters and networking. Making strides in your own life will allow you to be more present for someone else.

　　如果你的目标是换工作，那就开始和招聘人员会面交流、多参加社交活动。在生活中大有进步会使你在别人面前看起来更与时俱进。

　　Feeling emotionally dependent on your partner is comparable to that dreadful feeling of heartbreak when a relationship collapses³.

　　情感上过于依赖另一半，其伤害程度不亚于分手时心碎的可怕感觉。

　　That pressure you experience on your chest feels permanent, you feel confused and overwhelmed. You constantly feel hopeless and alone, even when your partner is in the room.

　　你胸口所感受到的压力好像一直存在，你会感到困惑、不知所措。甚至当你的伴侣在房间里时，你也会不断地感到绝望、孤单。

　　It is as if nothing anyone says or does is enough. This is because nothing anyone does can give you enough unless you feel love for yourself.

　　就好像任何人说什么做什么都不足以让你感觉好起来，这是因为除非你自己感受到爱，否则任何人做的任何事都不能给你足够的温暖。

　　Your relationship will improve when you emit confidence and positive energy. When you feel valuable, it draws people in closer. When you feel down, depressed⁴ and low about yourself, it automatically drives people away.

　　当你散发出自信和正能量时你们的关系才会好转。你感受到自我价值，才会吸引别人更靠近你。在你情绪低落、沮丧、消沉的时候，人们也会自动地远离你。

　　You can even do an experiment in your own relationship. Next time you feel elated or proud of yourself, observe how your partner acts toward you. I guarantee you will notice a difference.

　　你甚至可以用自己的恋爱做一个试验。下次你欢欣鼓舞、骄傲自豪的时候，观察一下你的伴侣是如何对待你的，保证你会发现不同之处。

　　It is important to note that it is okay and healthy to somewhat rely on your partner, as you are a team and should work through issues together.

　　有一点需要注意的是，稍微依赖一点你的伴侣是可以的，也是明智的，因为你们是一个团队，应该一起解决问题。

　　When you are upset, angry or feel self-conscious, it is part of your partner’s job description to help support you as best as he or she can.

　　当你沮丧、生气或不自在的时候，他/她应该尽其所能去支持你。

　　Not only is it the obligation of your partner, but it should also be a role he or she is more than happy to play. If you can’t rely on your partner to a certain degree, how can it be considered a loving relationship? You are basically friends with benefits.

　　这不仅是他/她的责任，也应该是他/她更乐意去做的。如果在某种程度上你不能依赖你的伴侣，那你们之间怎么能称之为相爱的关系呢？你们仅仅是利益之交罢了。

　　When you are in a relationship, it is okay to be vulnerable because you know your partner will be there for you and will not turn away when you are at your lowest.

　　你在恋爱中可以脆弱，因为你知道你的另一半会陪在你身边，当你处于低谷时也不会离你而去。

　　So, how can we better understand this relationship? Think of it like this: First, you are happy on your own. You feel comfortable in your own skin and confident about your ambitions and goals.

　　所以，我们怎样才能更好地理解这段关系？这样来想一下：首先，你自己要快乐。要对自己的状态释然，并且对自己的理想和目标有信心。

　　Now, your partner enters into the picture. There is certainly an adjustment period, where you learn how to expose your inner thoughts and depend on someone other than yourself.

　　然后，你的伴侣进入了你的世界。当然会有一段调整期，你要学会表达内心的想法并依靠除你之外的那个人。

　　After a while, you should feel even more comfortable in our own skin and more ambitious and goal oriented. It should be the cherry on top of your already-delicious sundae.

　　一段时间之后，你应该会感觉更释然，更雄心勃勃，目标也更明确。对你来说这应该是锦上添花。

　　If you start from there, you will have a healthy foundation on which to build a mutually-supportive relationship.

　　如果在此之上建立关系，那么你会在一个健康的基础上去建立一段相互扶持的关系。

　　Ideally, your partner, whom you love and care about, will ride alongside you on your path to success. In turn, you will support your partner to fulfill¹ his or her own life ambitions.

　　情况理想的话，那个你爱着、关心着的伴侣会随你一起迈向成功。反过来，你也会支持你的另一半去实现他/她的生活抱负。

1 fulfill   

vt.履行，实现，完成；满足，使满意

参考例句：

• If you make a promise you should fulfill it.如果你许诺了，你就要履行你的诺言。
• This company should be able to fulfill our requirements.这家公司应该能够满足我们的要求。

2 meditate   

v.想，考虑，（尤指宗教上的）沉思，冥想

参考例句：

• It is important to meditate on the meaning of life.思考人生的意义很重要。
• I was meditating,and reached a higher state of consciousness.我在冥想，并进入了一个更高的意识境界。

3 collapses   

折叠( collapse的第三人称单数 )； 倒塌； 崩溃； （尤指工作劳累后）坐下

参考例句：

• This bridge table collapses. 这张桥牌桌子能折叠。
• Once Russia collapses, the last chance to stop Hitler will be gone. 一旦俄国垮台，抑止希特勒的最后机会就没有了。

4 depressed   

adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的

参考例句：

• When he was depressed,he felt utterly divorced from reality.他心情沮丧时就感到完全脱离了现实。
• His mother was depressed by the sad news.这个坏消息使他的母亲意志消沉。