TED演讲:为什么要跟别人一样?(5)

 Strangely, these revelations didn't cure my low self-esteem, that feeling of otherness. 奇怪的是，这些启示并没有治愈我那缺少的自尊，那种被划为另类的感觉。

My desire to disappear was still very powerful. 我渴望消失的想法依旧十分强烈。

I had a degree from Cambridge; I had a thriving career, 我有一个剑桥的学位，我的事业蒸蒸日上，

but my self was a car crash, and I wound up with bulimia and on a therapist's couch. 但我的自我却如同一场车祸，最终我患上贪食症并接受治疗。

And of course I did. I still believed my self was all I was. 我当然会这样。我依旧相信我的自我就是我的全部。

I still valued self-worth above all other worth, and what was there to suggest otherwise? 我依旧认为自我价值高于其余任何价值，不然还能怎样呢？

We've created entire value systems and a physical reality to support the worth of self. 我们创造了整个价值系统以及一个客观的现实，用以支持自我的价值。

Look at the industry for self-image and the jobs it creates, the revenue it turns over. 看看由个人形象带动的产业，还有它提供的工作以及它创造的价值。

We'd be right in assuming that the self is an actual living thing. But it's not. 我们可能会假设这个自我是真实存在的。但我们错了。

It's a projection¹ which our clever brains create in order to cheat ourselves from the reality of death. 这只是一个投影，是由我们聪明的大脑创造出来的，来欺骗我们自己无需面对死亡的现实。

But there is something that can give the self ultimate and infinite connection -- and that thing is oneness, our essence. 但总有一些事能赋予自我终极无尽的联系，那就是同一性，我们的本源。

The self's struggle for authenticity² and definition will never end unless it's connected to its creator -- to you and to me. 自我对于真实性和定义的挣扎永远不会停止，除非自我能够与创造者相连，与你，与我。

And that can happen with awareness³ -- awareness of the reality of oneness and the projection of self-hood. 这和意识的觉醒一同存在，意识到同一性的现实以及自我的投影。

For a start, we can think about all the times when we do lose ourselves. 一开始，我们可以想想那些我们失去自我的时候。

It happens when I dance, when I'm acting⁴. I'm earthed in my essence, and my self is suspended. 当我跳舞时，表演时，我根植于我的本源，我的自我被抑制了。

In those moments, I'm connected to everything -- the ground, the air, the sounds, the energy from the audience. 在那些时刻，我与万物相连，大地，空气，声音，观众的能量。

All my senses are alert and alive in much the same way as an infant might feel -- that feeling of oneness. 我的所有感官都是警觉和鲜活的，如同一个婴儿感受到的一般，那种同一性的感觉。

1 projection   

n.发射，计划，突出部分

参考例句：

• Projection takes place with a minimum of awareness or conscious control.投射在最少的知觉或意识控制下发生。
• The projection of increases in number of house-holds is correct.对户数增加的推算是正确的。

2 authenticity   

n.真实性

参考例句：

• There has been some debate over the authenticity of his will. 对于他的遗嘱的真实性一直有争论。
• The museum is seeking an expert opinion on the authenticity of the painting. 博物馆在请专家鉴定那幅画的真伪。

3 awareness   

n.意识，觉悟，懂事，明智

参考例句：

• There is a general awareness that smoking is harmful.人们普遍认识到吸烟有害健康。
• Environmental awareness has increased over the years.这些年来人们的环境意识增强了。

4 acting   

n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的

参考例句：

• Ignore her,she's just acting.别理她，她只是假装的。
• During the seventies,her acting career was in eclipse.在七十年代，她的表演生涯黯然失色。