摩登家庭第三季 第85期:头部按摩仪

 We are about to make hat history. Or as I like to call it, "Hatstory." 我们要书写帽子的新历史了。我更愿意称之为"帽史"

Early man had hours and hours to scratch his weary head. But what about today's busy times? Thank you, squire¹. 先民们无所事事终日可以自挠头皮。而今快节奏社会哪来时间挠？谢谢你，小卢子。

Great thing about this? You can wear it anywhere. Hit it, buddy². 这项伟大的发明妙在何处？你可以随时随地都戴上。开秀吧，伙计。

Oh! It's like a thousand tiny angels are line dancing on my sca-- 我靠！就像成千上万的小天使在我的头皮上开舞林大会......

I...it looks like we got a slight malfunction³ in a rear nogginizer. Oh! Shut her down! Shut her down, buddy! 我去，似乎头部按摩仪出了点小故障。不要啊！快关了！快关了啊，伙计！

It's not working! - My hair! It's got my hair! Okay! Fine. That--I'm fine. 停不了啊！-一剪没啊！发如血啊！好吧！算了。我没事。

Forgot about that feature. It's an exfoliating...scrub. Buddy, can you grab the safety shears⁴? 去他妈的神奇功能吧。简直是剥头皮。儿子，给老爸把安全剪拿来。

You know what, Phil? Keep it up. And I admire you and Manny. I know what it's like to stare down skepticism from a loved one. 我告诉你，菲尔，坚持就是胜利。我欣赏你和曼尼。我明白被心爱的人质疑的滋味。

Cam, not now. -Why not now? It's Thanksgiving. Families gather. Issues come up. 小卡，现在不是时候。-有什么不行？感恩节良辰吉日啊。家人团聚。问题爆发。

Only if you bring them up. 问题也是你提出来才有的啊。

It's healthy to get things out in the open. Y'all know my punkin chunkin story, or do you need a refresher? 打开天窗说亮话对谁都好。你们都听过我的射南瓜轶事吧，要不要我再帮你们复习一下？

We've heard it. -Oh, several times. 我们听过。-好几遍呢。

I love it. With Cody and the friends? Yes. So you know how it ends. But the question is, who here thinks I made that up? 我喜欢那个故事。是和科迪还有别的朋友一起的那个吗？没错。所以你们知道故事结局吧。但问题是，觉得我瞎编的举手。

Oh. Well, doesn't that tell the whole story right there? 看吧，简直是泾渭分明，清清楚楚啊？

Here we have the skeptics, the dream-squashers...the Pritchetts. 这边是我们的怀疑派，打压别人梦想的人，普里契特一家。

And here we have the dreamers, the artists, the visionaries. Sweet Caroline! 而这边是梦想家，艺术家和有远见的人。苍天大地啊！

So we're supposed to believe that you make a-a pumpkin⁵ fly across a football field. 难道要让我们相信你让一个南瓜飞过了整个足球场。

Yeah. I can prove it to you right now. Let's go to the football field. 对。我现在就能证明给你们看。我们去足球场。

Yes! Let's do this. I'd love to end this. 行！去就去。我希望争议就此结束。

Yeah! Let's settle this! Dreamers versus⁶ Pritchetts! Bravo! Bravo! When I say "Punkin," You say "Chunkin"! -Punkin! Punkin! - No, no, no! 就是！我们去比试一场吧！梦想家对普里契特一家！太棒了！我说南瓜你说射！-南瓜！南瓜！-不，停下来！

Hold it! I did not just cook for eight hours so you people could run off to prove some asinine⁷ point that's only gonna make half of us feel bad! 站住！我做了8个小时的饭菜不是为了让你们跑出去证明些愚蠢的观点，输掉的那一方会很难过的。

Come on! Show a little respect. 拜托！尊重下我的劳动成果好吗。

Turkey smells great, sweetheart. 火鸡闻起来很香，亲爱的。

Is that turkey? Because something smells like chicken. -Okay, let's settle this. - Yeah. Vamos, vamos! Jay, I drive! -When I say "Punkin," You say "Chunkin"! Punkin! Chunkin! 那是火鸡吗？我怎么觉得闻起来像鸡味（胆小鬼）。-好吧，我们一决胜负吧。-太好了。大家来吧！杰，我开车！-我说南瓜你说射！南瓜！射！

 

1 squire   

n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅

参考例句：

• I told him the squire was the most liberal of men.我告诉他乡绅是世界上最宽宏大量的人。
• The squire was hard at work at Bristol.乡绅在布里斯托尔热衷于他的工作。

2 buddy   

n.（美口）密友，伙伴

参考例句：

• Calm down,buddy.What's the trouble?压压气，老兄。有什么麻烦吗？
• Get out of my way,buddy!别挡道了，你这家伙！

3 malfunction   

vi.发生功能故障，发生故障，显示机能失常

参考例句：

• There must have been a computer malfunction.一定是出了电脑故障。
• Results have been delayed owing to a malfunction in the computer.由于电脑发生故障，计算结果推迟了。

4 shears   

n.大剪刀

参考例句：

• These garden shears are lightweight and easy to use.这些园丁剪刀又轻又好用。
• With a few quick snips of the shears he pruned the bush.他用大剪刀几下子就把灌木给修剪好了。

5 pumpkin   

n.南瓜

参考例句：

• They ate turkey and pumpkin pie.他们吃了火鸡和南瓜馅饼。
• It looks like there is a person looking out of the pumpkin!看起来就像南瓜里有人在看着你！

6 versus   

prep.以…为对手，对；与…相比之下

参考例句：

• The big match tonight is England versus Spain.今晚的大赛是英格兰对西班牙。
• The most exciting game was Harvard versus Yale.最富紧张刺激的球赛是哈佛队对耶鲁队。

7 asinine   

adj.愚蠢的

参考例句：

• It is an asinine discussion.那是个愚蠢透顶的讨论。
• I must have been insane to listen to your asinine gibberish!我真是昏了头居然听信了你的胡说八道！