TED演讲:科技并没有改变爱 为什么?(9)

 Thank you so much for that, Helen. As you know, there's another speaker here with us that works in your same field. 感谢您的演讲，海伦。今天还有另一位演讲者，她和您在相同的领域里做研究。

She comes at it from a different perspective. Esther Perel is a psychotherapist who works with couples. 不过是从不同的视角来分析问题。诶斯特·佩雷斯从事情侣心理治疗师的工作。

You study data, Esther studies the stories the couples tell her when they come to her for help. 您研究数据，诶斯特研究那些向她寻求帮助的情侣们所诉说的故事。

Let's have her join us on the stage. Esther? 现在请她上台吧，有请诶斯特。

So Esther, when you were watching Helen's talk, 诶斯特，当您观看海伦演讲的时候，

was there any part of it that resonated with you through the lens of your own work that you'd like to comment on? 是否有和您所做的工作产生共鸣的地方，您可以和我们说说嘛？

So it's interesting, because on the one hand, the need for love is ubiquitous and universal. 让我觉得有意思的地方是，一方面人们对爱的需求无所不在，无所不及。

But the way we love -- the meaning we make out of it -- the rules that govern our relationships, I think, are changing fundamentally. 但人类爱的方式，爱与被爱背后的意义，以及控制双方关系的规则，正在发生根本性的改变。

We come from a model that, until now, was primarily regulated around duty and obligation, the needs of the collective and loyalty¹. 直到最近，我们一直处于一种模式，即主要由责任和义务，集体和忠诚主义支配的模式。

And we have shifted it to a model of free choice and individual rights, and self-fulfillment and happiness. 而现在，我们转向了另一种模式，即追崇自主选择，个人权利，自我实现与幸福的模式。

And so, that was the first thing I thought, that the need doesn't change,  这是我脑子里冒出的第一个想法，爱的需求没有改变，

but the context and the way we regulate these relationships changes a lot. 但大环境和人们处理情感关系的方式发生了很大的变化。

On the paradox² of choice -- you know, on the one hand we relish³ the novelty and the playfulness, I think, to be able to have so many options. 关于选择悖论，我认为，一方面我们追求多重选择给我们带来的新鲜感和趣味性。

And at the same time, as you talk about this cognitive⁴ overload⁵, 同时，就像你提到的“认知负荷”，

I see many, many people who ... who dread⁶ the uncertainty⁷ and self-doubt that comes with this massa of choice, 我看到许多人对堆砌成堆的选项所带来的不确定性和不自信而感到担忧，

creating a case of "FOMO" and then leading us -- FOMO, fear of missed opportunity, or fear of missing out 从而制造出某种“害怕错过的恐惧症”，于是便引领我们-- “FOMO”，表现为害怕机会流失，

it's like, "How do I know I have found 'the one' -- the right one?" 就好比“我怎么知道这个人就是我命中注定的那一个呢？”

1 loyalty   

n.忠诚，忠心

参考例句：

• She told him the truth from a sense of loyalty.她告诉他真相是出于忠诚。
• His loyalty to his friends was never in doubt.他对朋友的一片忠心从来没受到怀疑。

2 paradox   

n.似乎矛盾却正确的说法；自相矛盾的人(物)

参考例句：

• The story contains many levels of paradox.这个故事存在多重悖论。
• The paradox is that Japan does need serious education reform.矛盾的地方是日本确实需要教育改革。

3 relish   

n.滋味，享受，爱好，调味品；vt.加调味料，享受，品味；vi.有滋味

参考例句：

• I have no relish for pop music.我对流行音乐不感兴趣。
• I relish the challenge of doing jobs that others turn down.我喜欢挑战别人拒绝做的工作。

4 cognitive   

adj.认知的，认识的，有感知的

参考例句：

• As children grow older,their cognitive processes become sharper.孩子们越长越大，他们的认知过程变得更为敏锐。
• The cognitive psychologist is like the tinker who wants to know how a clock works.认知心理学者倒很像一个需要通晓钟表如何运转的钟表修理匠。

5 overload   

vt.使超载；n.超载

参考例句：

• Don't overload the boat or it will sink.别超载，否则船会沉。
• Large meals overload the digestive system.吃得太饱会加重消化系统的负担。

6 dread   

vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧

参考例句：

• We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
• Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。

7 uncertainty   

n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物

参考例句：

• Her comments will add to the uncertainty of the situation.她的批评将会使局势更加不稳定。
• After six weeks of uncertainty,the strain was beginning to take its toll.6个星期的忐忑不安后，压力开始产生影响了。