读者文摘:帮助一个悲伤的朋友(3)

You might also be tempted¹ to make statements about the past or the future when your friend's present life holds so much pain.

在你的朋友当下的生活很痛苦时，你可能会忍不住谈论过去或未来。

But you can't know what the future will be—it may or may not be better "later." Omniscient² platitudes³ aren't helpful.

但是你不知道未来会是什么样子-它可能会变得更好，也可能不会。全知式的陈词滥调没什么帮助。

Stick with the truth: This hurts. I love you. I'm here.

坚持真相：这很伤人。我爱你。我在这里陪你。

Keep in mind that being with someone who is in pain isn't easy.

记住，和一个痛苦的人待在一块并不容易。

Your friend cannot show up for their part of the relationship very well, and you will likely get hurt.

你的朋友不能很好地付出，你可能会受到伤害。

Don't take it personally, and please don't take it out on them.

不要往心里去，也不要把气出在他们身上。

In fact, one of the best things you can do for a grieving friend is anticipate their needs.

事实上，你能为处于悲伤的朋友做的最好的事情之一就是预见他们的需求。

Don't say, "Call me if there's anything I can do," because your friend will not call.

不要说，“如果有需要的话就和我打电话。”因为你的朋友这样不会打电话。

Identifying a need, figuring out who might fill that need, and then making a phone call to ask is light-years beyond your grieving friend's energy level, capacity, or interest.

确定一个需求，想出谁可以填补这个需求，然后给朋友打电话，这远远超出了你悲伤的朋友的能量水平、能力或兴趣。

Instead, make concrete offers: "I will stop by each morning on my way to work and take the dog for a quick walk." Then show up and do it.

相反，你应该提出一些具体的建议：“我每天早上上班的路上都会顺便带狗狗出去散个步。”然后就去做吧。

Of course, the real work of grieving is not something you can do for your friend, but you can lessen⁴ the burden of everyday life.

当然，你不能代替你的朋友悲伤，但是你可以减轻其日常生活的负担。

Assist in small, ordinary ways, such as refilling prescriptions⁵, taking in the mail, or shoveling snow. These tasks are tangible⁶ evidence of love.

在小的，普通的方面提供帮助，比如帮忙买药，帮收邮件，或者铲雪。这些行动是爱的有形证据。

You can also shield your friend by setting yourself up as the designated point person—the one who relays information to the outside world or organizes well-wishers.

你也可以把自己设定为指定的联络人——向外界传递信息或组织祝福的人——来保护你的朋友。

If your friendship is close enough, you could even offer to tackle projects together.

如果你们的友谊足够亲密，你们甚至可以提出一起处理项目。

There will likely be plenty of difficult tasks that need tending to—things like choosing a casket, mortuary visits, sorting through and packing up a lifetime of belongings⁷.

可能会有很多困难的任务需要处理——比如帮助挑选骨灰盒，寻找太平间，整理和收拾逝者的东西。

Then be sure to follow through on your offers to help. Above all, show your love. Say something. Do something.

然后一定要坚持你提供的帮助。最重要的是，表达你的爱。说点什么。做点什么。

Be willing to stand beside the gaping⁸ hole that has opened in your friend's life without flinching⁹ or turning away.

要心甘情愿地站在朋友生命中打开的空洞旁边，不要退缩，也不要转身离开。

Listen. Be there. Be love. Love is the only thing that lasts.

倾听。陪伴。友爱。爱是唯一持续的东西。

1 tempted   

v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词）

参考例句：

• I was sorely tempted to complain, but I didn't. 我极想发牢骚，但还是没开口。
• I was tempted by the dessert menu. 甜食菜单馋得我垂涎欲滴。

2 omniscient   

adj.无所不知的；博识的

参考例句：

• He's nervous when trying to potray himself as omniscient.当他试图把自己描绘得无所不知时，内心其实很紧张。
• Christians believe that God is omniscient.基督教徒相信上帝是无所不知的。

3 platitudes   

n.平常的话，老生常谈，陈词滥调( platitude的名词复数 )；滥套子

参考例句：

• He was mouthing the usual platitudes about the need for more compassion. 他言不由衷地说了些需要更加同情之类的陈腔滥调。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He delivered a long prose full of platitudes. 他发表了一篇充满陈词滥调的文章。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

4 lessen   

vt.减少，减轻；缩小

参考例句：

• Regular exercise can help to lessen the pain.经常运动有助于减轻痛感。
• They've made great effort to lessen the noise of planes.他们尽力减小飞机的噪音。

5 prescriptions   

药( prescription的名词复数 )； 处方； 开处方； 计划

参考例句：

• The hospital of traditional Chinese medicine installed a computer to fill prescriptions. 中医医院装上了电子计算机来抓药。
• Her main job was filling the doctor's prescriptions. 她的主要工作就是给大夫开的药方配药。

6 tangible   

adj.有形的，可触摸的，确凿的，实际的

参考例句：

• The policy has not yet brought any tangible benefits.这项政策还没有带来任何实质性的好处。
• There is no tangible proof.没有确凿的证据。

7 belongings   

n.私人物品，私人财物

参考例句：

• I put a few personal belongings in a bag.我把几件私人物品装进包中。
• Your personal belongings are not dutiable.个人物品不用纳税。

8 gaping   

adj.口的；张口的；敞口的；多洞穴的v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的现在分词 )；张开，张大

参考例句：

• Ahead of them was a gaping abyss. 他们前面是一个巨大的深渊。
• The antelope could not escape the crocodile's gaping jaws. 那只羚羊无法从鱷鱼张开的大口中逃脱。 来自《简明英汉词典》

9 flinching   

v.（因危险和痛苦）退缩，畏惧( flinch的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• He listened to the jeers of the crowd without flinching. 他毫不畏惧地听着群众的嘲笑。 来自辞典例句
• Without flinching he dashed into the burning house to save the children. 他毫不畏缩地冲进在燃烧的房屋中去救小孩。 来自辞典例句